The Utterances of a Peculiar Mindset

Before you start guessing the purpose of this post, let me clarify. I don't have a new crush. Neither am I seeing any girl who is trying to crush me.
Ok. So the story goes like this. I was waiting along with one of my friend (X) for another friend (Y) who happens to be a girl. So as Y comes and greets us with a cute smile, an arrow came sharp and hit X. Later someone said that this arrow was shot by some stupid person called cupid. So this cupid's arrow hit X. Or to keep it simple, X got crush on Y.
Now X was wondering whether to let Y know about the crush. He though that Y will not like the idea of X having a crush on her. And this will end up the newly starting friendship between the two. My suggestion to him was go ahead and inform her. Though there are no chances of she agreeing to the relationship {which anyways was not the aim of X I suppose}, it will make Y feel special about herself. Well, as far as I know girls, they like this feeling of someone having crush on her. Infact its with every human being. The idea of someone liking us makes us feel special. And the gender doesn't matter for this feeling.
After suggesting him, I tried to peek inside my past life and to check out how my crush story went up and how many times my crushes were crushed. My first crush was.. well very late. I was 14 that time. This girl was my classmate. In fact this wasn't really a crush. Cause I had no idea what crush means and what love is. It was just the teenage mentality of having the idea of liking a girl. This girl always knew that I'm having crush on her. One day when my friends asked me thousand times to inform her about crush, I went to her to talk about this.

I "I have crush on you".
She: How dare you have a crush on me?

For a moment, I felt as if a Police inspector is asking me, "How dare you kill Mr Gupta? Well, I never knew having a crush on a girl is really that big crime like killing someone.

I: "What do you mean by How dare you? I got crush on you and it just happened".
She: "I'm not that kind of girl."

Well, only girls can come up with such kind of statements. What did she mean but "that kind of girl"? Did that mean "I'm not kind of girl who will get easily impressed. You will have to try very hard to impress me". Or did that mean "I'm not the girl who wants to get into these relationships." Or did that mean "I'm not kind of girl who will hate you for having crush on me". Or did that mean "I'm not kind of girl who will find about crush by herself. You have to inform me in person". Or did that mean.... Ok. Too many alternatives. Better to ask her.

I: What do you mean by *that* kind of girl?
She: Shut up.

Wow. That's an innovative way to answer. Shut up. Two words. But when uttered with right intensity and pitch, create a fantastic impact. But why did she wanted me to shut up? Did i say anything wrong..? Anyways, its better not to ask for another clarification.

I: Sorry!!
She: Its okay.
I:(blank)
She: (with bit milder tone) So since when is this crush thing going?

Well, did that matter now? Are you gonna say yes if I say i've crush on you for 100 years. Or are you trying to find out the time invested by me on the crash and gonna calculate the ROI? Well, is their any return in the first place?

I: few months.
She: How many?

Well, she surely is trying to find out the time invested.

I: four months.
She: See Dinesh. You are a very nice guy.

If I'm really so nice guy, why are you not saying yes? Why are you trying to run away from me? Am I really a nice guy?

She: You are very nice, intelligent. Don't fall into all these things. Concentrate on studies. You have big future in front of you.

Ya. All right. I have big future and there are many more girls who are gonna be part of my the crush story of my life. Thanks for making me realize that there are many more opportunities waiting for me in future.

I: Thanks. I hope there are no grudges in your mind. I just wanted to let you know the truth.
She: Of course. No grudges. Our friendship won't change for this small thing.

Ohh.. so this is a small thing for us. Thank god. I thought for a moment that she will end up the friendship for this incidence. Or was I being too childish to think like that? Maybe yes..

I: Thanks
She: Btw, on this Rakhi, am gonna tie you a Rakhi.

Well, now that was a tsunami. So big punishment for such a small mistake? Now I realize how girls use this small dhaga of rakhi to keep the guys under control. Now I was supposed to treat a girl as my sister. The same girl I had crush on few minutes ago. WTF..

So that was the end of my first crush. It ended up adding one more girl to my sister's list.

To be continued...

For all those who loved "Dark Knight". With special thanks from Vivek Khandelwal

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization" , a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.

Student: "Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?"

Professor: "Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!"

Student: "Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.

If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam. "

Professor: "Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?"

Student: "What is legal, but not logical, logical, but not legal, and neither logical, nor legal?"

Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.

Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.

He immediately answers: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal, nor logical."

Check out the breaking news on India TV. I was just wondering whether its a news or another episode of "Great Indian Laughter Challenge"

















PS: Mahesh Bhatt got fed up with Human romance and has decided to make a movie based on this news.

I got this as a forwarded mail. And I found it worth sharing with all the "nice guys" around reading my blog. Its a bit too long but worth spending few minutes.

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing "serious" between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: "oh, but we're just friends!" And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as "oh, he's too nice to date" or "he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me" or "he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!" or the most frustrating of all: "no, it would ruin our friendship." Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

This came to me through a mail. Really loved it..

The story is about one of my best friend, whose name I would like to keep secret as of now. By the end of the post, you may realize who he is. And if you don't, then anyways I wanted to keep it secret. So its fine.
So this friend of mine who owns a software company in Pune also owns an I-phone. And one fine evening, I was playing with his I-phone and I dialed my number. Those days, I used to have a English caller tune. So when I called my number, I also pressed the star key. And my tune was copied to his number.
I thought the story would end here but it did not. Few days later, his family was looking for a bride and there was one bride's family who liked this guy. They liked the guy, his family, his business everything. Until.. Alas.. One fine day, the girl's ad decided to call this to be groom and as he dialed the number, one zaggy English song was making waves in his ears. Now, I won't really mind if a guy my daughter is gonna marry has an English caller tune but this man did. And he said, "I can't let my daughter marry a guy who has English caller tune".
And the prospect engagement and marriage was broken. Am still wondering what went wrong? Pressing the star button or the psychology of the girl's parents to consider a English song lover is not an ideal son in law..
And btw, that friend of mine is still trying to figure out which English song his callers are listening to.. :-)

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says

the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."
"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.
"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special"
"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.
"Then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop? What configuration?"
"It's a 1 GB RAM and mobile Internet connectivity card and 180GB HARDDISK, Wi-Fi, DVD-Writer......................"

In a small town, a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to a Temple. The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.

The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't."

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't enjoy = Donkey that work
===================================================

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
====================================================

Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend

Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
=====================================================

To Conclude:

From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys!(Postulate 1)
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys!(Postulate 2)

So, we have…

Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore…from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together

Well, no comments on that.. :-)

What will you say if one fine day you get a virus alert like this. You come to know that some file belonging to "Quick Heal Folder" is actuall affected by a virus?

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement.

Long back,
a person who sacrificed his sleep,
forgot his family,
forgot his food,
forgot laughter were called
"Saints"

But now they are called..
"Management Students"

A husband wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the table, I left early to go grocery shopping. Love You!"

Totally shocked with the note , he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. He asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious. Broke some crockery, puked in the hall, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door". Confused, the man asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
His son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said, "LADY LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M MARRIED!"

Moral
Self-induced hangover - $ 400.00
Broken crockery - $ 800.00
Breakfast - $ 10.00
Saying the Right Thing While Drunk – "PRICELESS "

This snap was clicked by my friend Ajinkya {damn creative man he is let me tell you..}.

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.


2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.


3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.

Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.


4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.


5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!


6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.